haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize