If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
