I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
