he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
