remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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