im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
