Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize