My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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