my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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