what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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