Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
