whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
