I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
