the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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