My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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