I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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