I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
