Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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