so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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