Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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