I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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