i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
