so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
