If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize