omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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