if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize