mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
