I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
