You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
