to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
