I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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