He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
