i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
