I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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