He had one of those small greek statue penises
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
