her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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