That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
