But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
