i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
