I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
