Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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