So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
