we're chasing vodka with high fives
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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