hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
