please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
