I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
