"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
