I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
