By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
cat food counts as protein by the way
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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