I wish I could punch you in the face.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
