dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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