He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just found puke in my bra..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
we're so committed to being not committed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
