I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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