i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
