so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I will pee on everything he values.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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