Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
