he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we're making bets on your personal life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
