my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
