sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i love accidental penises.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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