He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were trust falling into bushes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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