I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
