Im at strip club and am horny
i don't like sucking hair
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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