Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
