he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
