I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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