im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize