I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
