you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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