he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
